At the beginning of August I was blessed enough to be able to take part in a weekend nature retreat. We did things like conscious cooking, meditation (outdoors), yoga (outdoors), forest bathing, and of course journaling. The whole thing was fantastic! Couple it with my first time away from home and out of the house (aside from work and seeing my sister) since Valentines Day weekend 2020 and it was HEAVENLY! Being able to take the weekend to disconnect from my phone, reconnect with nature, and do things that were good for my mind, body and soul was exactly what I needed. I was over worked, over stressed, and over stimulated. You know when you wake up tired and you just don’t want to do anything because you are just so overwhelmed, yeah… that’s where I was.
The drive from Woodstock to Galena was hot and I alternated between having the windows open and having the AC on. The closer to Galena I got the prettier the landscape became. The hills got bigger, the trees and the flowers grew in number, it was starting to remind me of northern Michigan, but also the northern part of Georgia. The rolling landscape and hills made me smile. When I got to Galena there were so many trees I instantly felt safe. Does anyone else feel more at ease surrounded by tree?
Anyways our rental was backed up against a hill that had lots of bushes and trees on it. When we entered she had already saged the space and had several tarot decks out along with an assortment of crystals and other stones. We were encouraged to pull some cards, one for intention… my first word was clarity. Which is exactly what I had wanted to get out of the weekend. My brain as always goes in about 10 directions at once. Do I want to focus on writing, do I want to focus on creative efforts, do I was a full time job, do I want a part time job, should I keep my current job, should I focus on learning new skills, should I open that boutique, or should I create a community that I want. The list could honestly continue, and I know I’m not alone in that. Over the weekend and in all honesty over the next 24 hours, clarity came.
For months, heck maybe even years now I have been wanting to create an online community for people that have depression. It’s actually why I started this blog. And then when I got diagnosed with Adenomyosis and Endometriosis in 2020 I wanted to find a way to tie them together. But how could I do that, and who would even want to be part of something like that. And then of course who was I to create this community and talk in it like I had any knowledge or weight to throw around… I mean I’m not a trained medical professional or therapist. Y’all the list of I’m not good enough or qualified enough got long. But there wrapped in the love of the universe and some amazing people I realized something. I am qualified! And I am especially qualified because I have struggled with depression for 20 years. I don’t have a degree, but I have done some counseling classes at the masters level, and I have had years of therapy. I am constantly learning about what helps me battle depression on a daily basis and I have learned some tools that have been game changers in my life, I HAVE to share them with others. I don’t have nearly as much experience with endo or adeno, as they are new realities for me. But I am plugging into the community and doing research. And sharing what I’m learning will help others.
So in the next few weeks the community will launch, and I don’t know what it will look like or what platform it will be on. My current thoughts are FB, Instagram or maybe even Discord. So if you are an endo warrior or adeno warrior that also battles depression, let me know what you’d like to see the community on, I’m open to suggestions. The online community will be the start, and eventually the idea is to do retreats, much like the one I went to.
The first main event of the weekend was sound healing. A wonderful woman came and lead our hour long session. Some people see colors or lights, I didn’t. I was however surprised at how quickly the hour passed. And I defiantly think it helped clarity come. When the session was over I was so relaxed, it was like a weight had been lifted, and my mind was less cluttered. If you can I recommend do a sound healing session.
The next morning we did meditation outside. I sat cross-legged with my knees and sides of my legs and feet on the ground. The wind swirled around me, warm and fragrant as it rustled the leaves. I sent love out to the universe and it sent it back, I cried. I felt connected to nature, and it was beautiful. I cried some more. After breakfast we went out did our forest bathing session. I learned of its Japanese roots, and was reminded of the Native Americans connection with the earth. We took a few minutes with our eyes closed to heighten our other senses and were sent off into the woods. As I slowly and purposefully walked through the woods, I noticed more bugs, saw the leaves falling, and watched the sun create different shades of green on the same leaf. I remembered how growing up I always ran through the woods, and how it always filled me with joy and energy. I smiled. Next we sat in one spot. I noticed the bugs fly around me, but they didn’t land on me. Was I more at peace with them? Is that why they ignored me? Lastly we communed with a tree. I picked a majestic looking tree that had three trunks, or rather branched three ways. It was hard to tell. I didn’t know why I was drawn to it at first, and then I heard myself thinking maiden, mother, crone. Ahh my friends are rubbing off on me. I never physically touched the tree, but rather stared at it. It gave me a sense of peace and knowing. At the end of the session I knew I needed to actively seek out time weekly to commune with nature. Years ago my therapist had asked me to come up with a exercise plan that was outdoors. Its like she knew, people needed to be active outside to improve their mental health… lol, funny right?!
That afternoon we had free time to do as we pleased, and though it was hot, I ventured outside again. I found a moss covered trial, and instantly thought of Miyazaki’s movies. I smiled. I’ve always loved moss covered objects, rocks, paths, homes. It means they have weathered time and have connected back with the land from which they came. Moss reminds me that nature always has a way of reclaiming whatever should be its.
That night was did conscious cooking. We talked about setting intentions before you cook, about thanking those who grew, processed or packaged the food you were about to make. And about infusing as much joy into the process as possible. I’ve always liked cooking, but sometimes it can be a chore. This was a good way to reconnect me to the joys of cooking, and added bonus I learned how to make spring rolls. Watch out peeps, I know have those in my arsenal! I haven’t perfected spring rolls like I have egg rolls, but I will.
The next morning was more meditation outside and some yoga. The breeze was soft and the temperature was cooler, which was wonderful, though by the end I defiantly regretted wearing pants and a t-shirt. I came to realize I was out of practice when it came to yoga, but moving my body still felt good. I do hope to slowly work yoga back into my life. I think during my morning meditation is when I realized how much better I felt and decided that I needed to find a way to make retreats like this for endo warriors. After surgery I did pelvic floor PT and I did a fair number of yoga poses to help open up my hips and stretch my back, which decreased my pain. So a retreat that was just as much focused on healing the body as the mind could be super beneficial.
The weekend closed on the day of the Lions Gate and I felt more relaxed and at peace than I had since long before the pandemic started. And a week later I’m still feeling rather zen. I mean it helps that I have yet to go back to work, but since the retreat things have been falling into place. Changes are coming and they are more in tune with who I am and what I want to do with my life and I couldn’t be more excited!
Special Thanks to Alisha for capturing the photos, I left my phone in my room all weekend and it was dead Sunday morning when I decided to look at it again.
Fighting with a Stick 